"No blame, be kind, love everything." --Terrance Keenan
My favorite quotes are always those that seem, to me, to be the answer to life, The Universe and everything. There are just a few quotes that seem to be all I really need to know. And this is one of them.
No blame. Don't blame anyone for anything, including yourself. The only purpose of blame is to cause guilt and never solves the problem at hand. It makes you a victim and not the powerful being that you are. Just don't do it.
Be kind. In everything you do, be kind. Be kind when saying "No." Be kind when giving constructive criticism. Be kind when arguing. Be kind when angry. All of these things are possible, even if we think they aren't, and make life a lot more pleasant.
I have started using this on my kids - when they ask for more screen time, when they refuse to eat their veggies, when they are pitching a huge fit about something - even as I tell them "No," explain the consequences (no dessert) and let them know their behavior is not acceptable, I do it in as kind as voice as possible. It makes all the difference in the world.
Love everything. The other week I was in a meeting in which two people, both in a heightened emotional state, started going at it. My old pattern would have been to take sides and place blame (see #1), but thanks to all the work I have done I was able to see this situation for what it was. Two people REacting instead of responding to the emotions they were feeling. Two people mirroring for each other what they needed to love in themselves. I would go so far as to say two people waking up.
When we start to air our emotional baggage in public it is a sign that it is coming to the forefront, to be confronted, worked with, made peace with and, eventually, released. I was able to love what was happening even though on some level it was uncomfortable for all of us. And I am trying to do this in my own life. To see my road blocks, my shortcomings, and, yes, even my temper tantrums as paving stones on the path to my awakening and to love it all.
No blame. Be kind. Love Everything. It's just that simple.
[BTW...I got this quote from my friend Fiona Robyn's "Writing Our Way Home" newsletter. You can read the whole thing here. And sign up here.]