lara simmons

“...[L]asting change only comes when we transcend the energies that created it  [whatever the 'problem' is as we see it].”  -- Lauren C Gorgo How do we make lasting change? Starting where we are. Being willing to be a beginner every moment . Questioning and Bargaining . Backsliding and starting over. Being honestly inconsistent . Putting one foot in front of the other until we realize - sometimes suddenly - that we no longer need to drink or yell or bite our fingernails or tell lies or overeat or whatever it is we do that gets in our way. But what is it, exactly, that we are transcending? I can't answer that question for you, but what I have realized for myself over this twenty-eight days is that what I need to transcend to make this change permanent is not my addiction to wheat, but my addiction to AVERSION. According to the Buddha, there are two habits which get in the way of enlightenment, clinging and aversion. Both are present, I believe, in any form o...

"Awakeness is found in our pleasure and our pain, our confusion and our wisdom, available in each moment of our weird, unfathomable, ordinary everyday lives."  -- Pema Chodron Awakeness, I believe, can be found in abstinence because it stimulates our pain and our pleasure sensors, it causes us confusion and discomfort, it causes us to feel more deeply, to be more aware, to wake up a little bit more. As I wrote on DAY 24 , abstaining from wheat has somehow allowed me to recognize the unwell feelings I have when I eat corn and sugar. I think this comes from the heightened sense of "awakeness" it takes to remain abstinent. And because I am more awake, I am more aware. How have you become more awake over the course of this challenge? What other moments of awakeness have you experienced in your weird, unfathomable life?

Nature: inconsistently, honestly, beautiful "To be honest, one  must  be inconsistent."   –HG Wells This seemed the perfect quote to follow on from yesterday's theme of " progress, not perfection ." The idea of progress and not perfection, of taking things one step at a time and leaving room for backsliding and imperfection, has been crucial to my own personal growth and spiritual journey.  As a young child I became enamored with the idea of being perfect. I believed that if I always sat up straight, always listened to the teacher, always did my best and always got good grades, that would be make me "a good girl" and everyone would love me.  Of course it is not always possible to always sit up straight, always listen to the teacher, always do your best, and always get good grades, but I made a pretty good show of it by subjugating my feelings and acting the part.  I tried to do the same thing as a young mother - though...

"When I leave my apartment I always whisper to myself, do no harm. I seek progress rather than perfection. I wouldn’t recognize perfection if it bit me on my ass. I just try to do better than I did yesterday."  --Frank Ferrante, subject of the movie " May I Be Frank ," an amazing example of the benefits of abstinence. (Check it out above!)

"When one is passionate about a pursuit, one doesn't have to rely on forced discipline." --Susan Vreeland As this challenge goes on I am uncovering more and more things that I need to abstain from. Somehow by letting go of wheat, I have come to realize that I also need to cut down on/cut out sugar and corn. Just typing that makes me feel a little bit hopeless. I want to whine at The Universe, "Haven't I given up enough?!" But the answer, clearly, is "No."   Not even for any spiritual reasons. (I didn't give up wheat for spiritual reasons, although I believe the process of abstaining from anything can be spiritual practice.) Somehow by abstaining from wheat I have been able to notice more clearly how my body reacts to sugar and corn - and the results are not good. Although the reaction is not as strong as my reaction to the Pop Tarts I ate before I began the challenge , I do feel unwell after eating sugar and corn. Do I like ...

"For Socrates...happiness...does not depend on external circumstances or material resources, but on one's capacity to know what is good and true and to act accordingly. The philosopher's task is to lead the mind through its habitual patterns of deluded thinking to this life-altering knowledge. Having accomplished this for himself, he then becomes a compassionate 'gadfly' for others, pestering them to break through their false and limiting preconceptions so that they, too, can discover the ultimate happiness of the human soul." -- Noelle Oxenhandler

"Having obscene amounts of money, power and status is just one kind of success. (And often a rather boring one at that.) Far more intriguing are the triumphs that come from outwitting one's own shadowy behavior and unconscious habits and from dreaming up ingenious responses to life's ever-fresh stream of problems. To accomplish these sorts of victories, there's no greater asset than a robust imagination." -- Rob Brezsny Following on from yesterday's post a question:  How can you use your imagination to support your abstinence practice?  Yesterday we  imagined that it was easy , how else could you use your imagination to help you sustain your abstinence practice? How can you outwit your shadowy behavior? For me this means not allowing my  questioning and rationalizing  voices (the ones that say,  "Do I really need to give this up?"  or  "I'll just have a little" ) to take up any space in my head. It means shutting them down ...

"A good habit is as easy to develop as a poor one."  --Dennis Mannering via @garyloper on Twitter I am not sure that this is true, but I like the idea. Just for today, let's  imagine  that this is true, let's choose to  believe  that this is true and act accordingly. Walk around as if it is easy to abstain. Talk to yourself as if it is easy to abstain. Talk about your abstinence challenge as if it were easy. Does this change things for you? Does it make it easier? Maybe it makes it harder for you. Play with this idea today and see what happens. Would love to hear about your experience in the comments!

"...[T]o stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening.”  --Pema Chodron Leave it to Pema Chodron to rock the addiction quote like she rocks everything else. This woman gets life in a human body. She just gets it.  We had some family over last night and we ordered Chinese food. And there was General Tso's Chicken, breaded and sauced to perfection. And I wanted some. My left hand was holding the platter, my right hand was on the spoon, and then I realized, "breaded" probably meant "wheat." Ugh. I started to question - and then to bargain - and then I put the spoon down and stayed with the feeling of wanting and not getting. And, surprisingly, it didn't last all that long. But what about when it's about something more than Chinese food? When your partner is sick, or your kid is in trouble, or your job is in jeopardy? Staying when the s...

"You can strip yourself, you can be stripped, but still you will reach out like an octopus to seek your own comfort, your untroubled time, your ease, your refreshment. It may mean books or music – the gratification of the inner senses – or it may mean food and drink, coffee and cigarettes. The one kind of giving up is not easier than the other."  --Dorothy Day in  The SUN magazine Click here to read an old post about a time I reached out to seek my own comfort and regretted it.

Even a tree as tall as this one once was is not permanent, AND from this stump now grows a brand new tree "We all develop addictions as a way of avoiding the realities of impermanence and loss."  --Satya Robyn Impermanence and loss. These are  the realities of our human life. And they are hard realities to live with day in and day out for decades (if we are lucky). I agree with Satya that it is out of avoiding these realities that we develop addictions and, ironically, I have found that it is only in facing these realities on a daily basis that we can begin to let our addictions go. Facing the realities of life and beginning to absorb the fact of impermanence and loss, the constant shifting and changing, the impossibility of ever really grasping and holding onto anything (a job, a relationship, a friend, a home) is what ultimately allows us to begin to let go of our addictions and to truly enjoy our lives, every precious fleeting moment. Today I invite you to ask yo...

"Do I want the hit or do I want the serenity?"  --A friend of Anne Lamott's in  Operating Instructions Leave it to Anne Lamott - and her merry band of quotable friends - to tell it like it is. If you are feeling tempted today ask yourself this question: Do I want the hit or do I want the serenity? If you need some support today, click here to read a great article on giving up drinking. Take each principle she outlines and apply it to whatever it is you are abstaining from. Having a plan can help improve your chances of success.

"Addiction exists whenever persons are internally compelled to give energy to things that are not their true desires."   --May (from “Addiction and Grace”) in the book “ The Journey of Desire ” by John Eldredge Ooh, another juicy definition of addiction to consider....Spend some time today thinking about your true desires. What are they? And what are you giving energy to that is not a true desire?

"An addict is someone whose actions while (or after) doing FILL IN THE BLANK harm themselves or those around them." --Unknown Now that we have a few days of abstinence under our belts, or at least attempts at abstinence, I want to spend a few days exploring the topic of addiction. When I think of the word ADDICTION it is in all-caps and with a lot of baggage attached, which is why I really like the definition above - it covers all manner of addictions from the smallest unhealthy attachment to, for instance, hair twirling (guilty!) or gum chewing, up to full-blown drug and alcohol addiction. In fact, the original version of this quote was: "An alcoholic is someone whose actions while (or after) drinking harm themselves or those around them,"  but I think it works well for pretty much anything (food, substance, or behavior) as long as the harm clause is met. When I first heard this definition - in a conversation with someone and I am so sorry that I cannot ...

"Your body speaks to you. LISTEN."   --Inna Segal Try connecting with your body again today through this meditation . What is the message your body has for you today?

"Your usual way of behaving has for once not worked and has got you into an unpleasant situation. Your usual problem solving strategy is not improving the situation, no matter how much you try. For a change, try dropping your usual approach and tread a new way!" --Julien Avram, www.dailyhoroscopes.net  We decide to abstain because our old ways of eating, behaving or moving in the world are no longer working and we have gotten ourselves into some kind of an unpleasant situation. Abstinence is helping us tread a new way. Even if we return to the thing we are abstaining from fifteen days from now, it will be different because we will be different. The act of abstaining changes us and changes our relationship to our habit. Keep treading a new way and be amazed at what happens!

"Social, big, huge change can come through personal change."   --From the movie " 2012: Time for Change " I love this idea of huge change coming from small change, social change coming from personal change and, while it may not seem like a one month abstention from something could lead to something BIG, I say WHY NOT?  Maybe this change will lead to a new career, a new passion, a new love, a new LIFE! And that change may lead to changes in others and THAT may change the world.   Spend some time today thinking about what bigger, social changes may be possible from the personal change you have committed to this month. Let your mind go and consider all possibilities that come to mind, don't limit your thinking, really expand your mind.  Here's mine:  Letting go of wheat I am healthier in my body. This change leads me to eat healthier across the board and to eventually give up sugar as well as wheat. When I begin eating less sugar, my f...

"Nobody but yourself can tell you what to accept and what to reject...We begin to figure out for ourselves what is poison and what is medicine, which means something different for each of us....we are the only ones who know what wakes us up and what puts us to sleep." --Pema Chodron What are you learning about yourself this month? What can you accept and what do you need to reject? What is poison and what is medicine for you? What wakes you up and what puts you to sleep?

"Control is the enemy; grief is our friend." --John Eldredge  When I first choose this quote for today I was thinking about the need to grieve whatever it is we are letting go. Even our bad habits have some positive benefits otherwise they would not have become habits. They may also bring to mind happy memories: great times with friends when we were drunk out of our minds, our favorite co-worker who was always willing to join us for a smoke break or a certain time we had a certain food with a certain special person. I could go on (and on and on). Our habits are intertwined with our memories and must be grieved. That led me to consider the Five Stages of Grief as they are commonly understood: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I think I have moved through each of these stages at least once every time I realized that I needed to abstain from something I had previously enjoyed. That got me wondering if perhaps there might also be five stages of abst...

My sister, feeling FREE! "Freedom is about cutting off and eliminating a rigid persistence of basic needs. If you are hungry, you want food; if you are cold, you want clothing; if you are sick, you need your mother's and father's love. As you grow older, these many needs accumulate in the heart and mind to trigger emotions, creating every kind of possible sorrow. Freedom is about letting go of all of these attachments, all of these figments of the mind." --Nassim Assefi, “Aria” Wow! I LOVE this quote so much. It pretty much sums up why I began my spiritual journey in the first place - to find FREEDOM. From my Ego, from my many wants and desires, from my resistance to what is, and from the sorrow I cause myself and others because of these "figments of the mind." It is also a powerful quote for us to contemplate this week as things may start to get a bit more squiggly and difficult in our abstinence practice. When you deny yourself the thing you are a...